How do you react when someone hurts you? Do you get angry or sad? Are you embarrassed or shocked? All of these responses are natural. No one is exempt from being affected by other people’s poor behavior, so you are certainly not alone if you feel hurt.
There are several reasons you may feel hurt. Whatever the reason, learning to react appropriately is important.
Learn How to Take Control of Your Emotions & Respond Calmly
The initial response to hurt feelings, for most people, is to retaliate and hurt the person who caused the hurt. Unfortunately, this can create a cycle of repeated negative behavior and doesn’t offer a favorable outcome. Rather than responding in haste, think about the situation and choose to respond in a calm manner.
Have an Honest Conversation
One of the best things that you can do when someone hurts your feelings is to just tell them. You don’t need to be confrontational or make a scene, just let them know that what they said or did was hurtful and share how it made you feel. This conversation then usually goes one of two ways. Either the person is a bully or they won’t care that they hurt your feelings or they had no idea that they hurt your feelings in the first place. If it’s the second situation, you might get an apology and you may have just prevented that person from doing the same thing again to you or someone else.
Journal about It
Journaling is a way of acknowledging your feelings by writing them down. It gives you an opportunity to make sense of your emotions and gain relief from them. Often, simply writing down what you feel and then reading it aloud can give you a different perspective about your feelings. It’s useful to have a journal that no one else reads so that you can really bear your soul on the page. This allows you to release things that you may have been holding onto for a while and can lift its weight off your shoulders. If people hurt your feelings often or if you’re feeling a lot of mixed emotions, keeping track of how you feel in a journal can help you notice any patterns or triggers that might help you avoid these situations in the future.
Consult with Your Doctor
Many people do not realize that different physical conditions, can cause emotional responses. If you feel that you are experiencing an over-sensitivity to other people and you can’t seem to pinpoint the reason, your first step should be to visit your primary care physician. Be open about your feelings and how you are reacting to others. Your doctor will be able to take a health history and perform an assessment to try and pinpoint any physical reasons for your emotions.
Engage in Healthy Distractions
Distractions can help us cope with the pains of everyday life, such as hurt feelings. Reading, for example, is a method of distraction that encourages you to focus on something else, rather than dwelling on your hurt feelings. It’s important to note that engaging in something that distracts you does not mean you shouldn’t find a resolution for your problem. However, it does give you the chance to clear your mind and then address the situation.
Try Physical Exercise
Exercise is commonly called a “cure-all,” because of the positive effects that it has on both your physical and mental health. It relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better, and can even boost your overall mood. When an individual exercises, the body releases endorphins, also known as the “happy chemicals” in the body. Endorphins cause a feeling of elation or euphoria. This means mood gets better, and sad or hurt feelings are often lessened or totally replaced by feelings of happiness.
When Hurt Feelings Won’t Go Away, Talk to a Counselor
When it is difficult, or even feels impossible, to let go of hurt feelings, talking to a counselor or other mental health professionals could be helpful. Sometimes deeper issues cause us to feel unable to release feelings of hurt or anger. During these times, a counselor or therapist can help you get to the root of what you are feeling and can guide you as you learn effective coping mechanisms. Today, there are several options for counseling. Some individuals choose to find a counselor near their home or work and engage in face-to-face sessions. Others choose to go to mental health clinics that offer both individual and group counseling.
It’s normal to have hurt feelings from time to time. Learning to identify the source of your pain and how to effectively cope with emotions will create a sense of balance in your life. Whether you choose to confide in a friend, a loved one, or a counselor, it is important to sort out your feelings and move forward. With the right tools, you can. Take the first step today. And remember,
When someone does something that hurts you, make a promise to yourself and to Allah that you will never do the same thing to anyone else.
Tahsina Shabnam is a Senior Lecturer of Department of English at University of Development Alternative with over eight years of experience now. She is the Founder and Chairperson of Set to Success. She is inspired daily by her husband in her work. In her free time, Tahsina likes to draw, paint and work with graphic design.